Tougher lessons for a tougher self.

It has been about two months since the last post. And I must say, 'my there has been so much'. After my friend's senior show...I've been having the strangest experiences and changes to what I believe, how I do so, what I think and know, how all of that shows, and how I come to love. I spent alot of time trying to enact what I say: "Educate the mind to educate the self. Because if the self is not taught then the self is not learned. And one can't live without knowing the self."

That being said....My life has always been interesting. To say the least. What has really struck me was the sudden appearance of this guy who means alot more to me than what I tell myself before
I go to sleep at night. I met him in transit physically, and since then we've been..."dating" I guess. (It's very Oberlin- trust). But that classification aside- I spent much of this semester not only getting to know him, but knowing myself. And through whatever-it-is-that-we-are, I started to literally open up my emotions. I tend not to let people see me cry, or get emotional for that matter, and he has somehow made me want to want to be vulnerable. Especially with him.

But my Universe is one that loves to throw serious twists. While I finally met someone who allows me to be emotional with myself, they also decide to make him the person that has to leave. Leaving Oberlin-period, he is trying to find something that he's looking for. Using his intelligence to cover something he won't show me, I am left wondering what to do. He wants to learn about himself, his activism, his whole being, and to teach and learn with others outside the institution. So how can I be upset about someone wanted to grow and educate themselves, when I myself keep talking about how much and in what ways I have been/need to keep growing? I just feel like deep down, that the way he is trying to grow is not how it is supposed to happen for him. So we avoid the subject. And when he brings up the topic, I can't help but get quiet. How do you learn to let go of something that was made for you? How do you learn to cope with knowing that you will never see them again? I guess...this is the Universe's  way of teaching me that sometimes what I have, I can't keep. And what I do and did have, cherishh. But even so...it's still hard.