Sometimes I wake up only wanting to go back to bed.

This is a poem/spoken word piece. I wrote this a few months ago. I posted it cause right now there is no other way to describe the feeling I feel now. Sometimes I wake up really...off.

Working through a life
That is not quite my own
I stay awake at night
Trying to count the minutes as they get sown
Up deep within the hours
That keep passing me by
And as I strive to hold my own
I seem to keep on failing no matter how hard I try.

Trying to keep together
Pieces of me in a place
That don’t seem to quite
Give a shit if I find my space.
So as I work hard, and grow hard, and always seem to plan,
I never understand
How can I claim the ground I walk on
When no one even knows my name.

Looking back on years I somehow get mesmerized
Captivated, fascinated but mostly discombobulated
About how I always try to fit in
To groups where I know I can’t.
And soon found that the weeds that had sprouted
Around this noble plant
Have never even cared that she would grow
To blossom such a beautiful bloom.
But until the day I realize that I don’t get to assume
That people care, that they only stare
Waiting just to hear what happens in this tragedy, the nightmare
Where I only set myself up for doom.

As I’m walking down the pavement
I still always seem to struggle
With the attitude, for magnitude
That I wish to radiate
But instead I seem to flicker and only seem to pulsate
A lower watt of energy
That folks get to manipulate.
And try as I might
To just pick up arms and fight,
This little heart of mine
Just gets broke up, and led on
And wearisome I move on
But I still can’t seem to let go.
So as I walk with my head down
With a frown somehow always stuck up on my face
I try to keep on rearranging the memories I can't erase.